Actual conversation

3:26 pm, March 11th.

PLS - So, I've united the two disjunct sections you sent me, cleared out redundancies, made two figures, written several sections and gotten the support letter from the organization we would like to have host the workshop we are proposing. I also moved all of the budget numbers out of FastLane and populated the grants.gov cluster-fuck from with all the numbers, modified the budget to fit the scope of the program and put in as much information as I could. I haven't heard from you in 4 days since sending you the form and the instructions, have you had a chance to look it over.

Senior Colleague - No, not yet. I've been doing some thing around the house since it's spring break here.

PLS - okaaaaay, you realize that the grant is due Monday and I am leaving the country on Saturday, right?

SC - Yeah, no problem man, I'll just look over everything and get up to speed over the weekend. I'll fill in anything you don't finish and smooth it all out.

PLS - Smooth it all out? We're submitting a grant, not a table cloth, right?

SC - You know, I'll make it all flow.

PLS - How about your finance people? Are they all set to deal with this on Monday? Do they send many things in to grants.gov?

SC - They're registered, but they've never done it before. I'm sure it won't be a problem.

PLS - The form is pretty ugly man, I don't know how straight-forward it'll all be.

SC - Well, if I get it to them around noon, they'll have plenty of time to figure it out.

PLS - *pausing to keep head from exploding* SC, we really need to get this in. I can't wait until July to submit this thing in a different program. You wanted to be the lead institution (even though more money in the grant is going to my institution), so I'm depending on you getting this in while I am out of the country without email contact.

SC - No problem.

PLS *feeling storm clouds gathering overhead* Alrighty. Can you get me your section that you are working on by lunch tomorrow?

SC - Sure, it'll be there.

It's now 3:45 and I have no section, no email and no phone call. One day left before I leave the country and 85% of a grant done with little control over the final 15%. Dude. Fuck! sigh.