Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Dirty Oil Man

Dear Oil company Sales Rep,

I don't blame you for being a little curt on the phone when I called to cancel our contract because we bought a new natural gas furnace. I'm sure losing an account in this economy and when you are hawking oil kinda sucks. The fact that you tried to rush us another delivery even though our oil tank was scheduled for removal was kinda a dick move, but whatever. It's nothing personal, we just want something more efficient and you couldn't offer it. There's also the issue of the tax rebates, but I digress.

While I can forgive you for being grumpy, I can also ask you to please go fuck a light socket for sending my family an envelope full of random pamphlets, all strongly suggesting that the switch to natural gas will soon lead to our deaths from either carbon monoxide or from our house blowing up. Your dirty scare mongering of the worst degree only further sold me on our switch and convinced me that your company sucks ass. I hope you have to sleep at night smelling those shitty fumes that we had in our house before we upgraded.


p.s. The new furnace is awesome.


  1. If you can upgrade to a tankless hot water heater, that thing chopped my power bill almost and half and as bonus you always have hot water.

  2. I second the tankless water heater.

  3. Sign him up with the Al Gore fanclub.


  4. I am so gonna use "please go fuck a light socket" at my earliest opportunity.

  5. yay on the furnace! my hubby does env. remediation and I can't tell you how many oil tank leaks/spills he has had to clean up in basements and yards, which can get quite expensive.

    our tankless hot water heater is great for 9 months of the year. from mid-dec until march it is not able to heat the water very well. We think that when the town put in the water lines a few years ago that they skimped and didn't put them in deep enough, hence the incoming water temp is colder than 55. I also house-sat for some people who had one a few years ago and the on-demand function sucked- only the second person showering actually got some hot water. so I'm not particularly a fan of them.