Monday, January 19, 2009

Long hair: Not just a lab hazard

When you have a child who is under a year old, you spend more time than you ever thought possible around poop. It's a common topic of conversation and you are constantly cleaning it up or evaluating it's consistency. There is no conscious decision one day to make poop a bigger part of your life than ever before, it just happens when you have a small child like getting used to the cold happens when you move to Winnipeg (aka: Winterpeg). Despite our newfound comfort with the topic, I don't seek out poop-related experiences. I guess they just find me.

I took both Saturday and Sunday to stay home this weekend and not do work. It was great to have two consecutive days off and to do family activities. Sunday was snowy here and a perfect day to hang out in the house, play with the wee one and watch some football, which was conveniently on. With the Wee one asleep, I settled into the couch with beer in hand, ready for some mindless entertainment. From behind me I heard our cat scrambling up the basement (where we keep the litter boxes) stairs at breakneck speed until he hit the kitchen laminate floor and lost all traction despite churning his legs at a blurring pace. I couldn't figure out what had spooked him until he bolted into the living room and I could see that he had a ball of poop whipping around behind him like a tether ball in a hurricane and attached by a strand of hair to apparently yet-to-be-excreted poop. Upon reaching the living room floor he instantly pushed his ass to the floor, legs splayed, and performed the front-legged ass-drag, commonly associated with dogs. He made it about 5 feet before I could reach him and pin him down long enough to pull a paper towel out of my pocket (I am now often armed with a cleaning device of some kind), grab the poop-caboose and pull on it like turning on a lamp. Luckily the hair snapped rather than pull the internal turd free from the cat and I was able to set the beast free while I disposed of the shit-on-a-rope and got some soap to clean the violated stretch of floor.

Ah, the joys of relaxing at home.


  1. That is completely fucking disgusting!

  2. Don't have pets or kids if THAT grosses you out. That may be my tamest excrement-related story of the year.

    Plus, the Eagles pretty much did the same thing as my cat yesterday, so I thought you would be desensitized to it.

  3. Ahhh, PLS, you're killing me. As a mom and previous kitty owner, I've experienced many such incidents! However, BabyBugDoc is out of diapers now, so poop-related incidents are much more rare. However, poopy jokes are very much in vogue right now....

  4. That's terrific, really. I suppose it'd be worse if your kid were to drag his/her naked, shit-covered ass all over your living room. Now that would be something to see.

  5. As soon as she can take her diaper off, I'm sure this will happen. I think we're banning corn from her diet once she learns how to un-velcro those straps.

  6. Wow. FUcking. wow. I'm going to go home, cut my balls off and drown my cat.

  7. Gah, reason #72 not to get a cat. Yuck.

    But I hear what you're saying about kids and poop. We've had our share of fun experiences.

    Poop on the carpet? Check.
    Poop in the tub? Check, multiple times.
    Poop in the underpants? Check, even more multiple times.

    Finally though, after a large number bribes, we've finally gotten to:

    Poop in the potty? Check.